Did you know that if you are in a relationship for long enough (7 years I believe), the rules of marriage apply? It’s called “Common Law Marriage.” The virtues of marriage today are what going “steady” used to be. Marriages begin and end in about the same time as regular boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. In fact, I know boyfriend and girlfriend relationships that lasted longer than my own parents’ marriage. Hell, I know pimp and hoe relationships that last longer
than marriages.
I think everybody has heard the saying “fools rush in.” But I agree also that “fools rush out.” People are all too willing to ditch their vows in signs of trouble. Steady relationships used to start with establishing a family as the goal at the end of the tunnel. Today, with all the speedy “hook-ups” of strangers and the “clothing-optional hug” benefit to friendships (remember that Friends are the new Lovers), when I hear someone say, “I have a boyfriend,” or “I have a girlfriend,” I automatically hear, “I have a sex arrangement.”
That’s all it is. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is really your one true love, they would already be, in my opinion, your fiance or your spouse. I plan to NEVER again have a girlfriend. If I feel strong enough about someone, and I want her to be my “wifey,” I’ll just make the gal my wife. If she can’t get with that, then it’s possible that marriage won’t ever be…therefore the “preliminary marriage” is absolutely pointless. Marriage has been downgraded. Friendship has been upgraded.
The new next step from friendship is a long walk down the isle (I personally recommend a less costly trip to Vegas). But how can you trust someone enough to know whether or not you want to go down that road with a person you call your “friend.” But damn, people change! So who do you really KNOW, and who can you really TRUST? And for how long!? I suggest you get to KNOW and TRUST yourself, and that will be what makes and breaks all of your relationships.
Some crazy people say that you should live with your partner for a period of time before you get married, to see if they are someone you want to even wed. These people don’t realize that since you are already sharing a living space and financial
responsibilities, often even children, you practically are married (especially after that 7 year mark). Why not be recognized by the government? A boyfriend or girlfriend can be costly. It is a known fact, however, that married people earn more and have more tax benefits.
Even hospitals don’t recognize “steady” relationships. If you don’t believe me, try visiting your girlfriend after visiting hours. It’s not going to happen. And someone correct me if I’m wrong, but the CONJUGAL VISIT (YEAH!) is strictly reserved for spouses of inmates, not girlfriends. The word steady is like SUSPENDED ANIMATION. The worst of both worlds: the commitment of marriage, without the financial benefits. My advice is, if you have a steady partner you should A. marry them, or B. dump them…
March 20, 2007 at 11:13 pm |
Man, Marriage right now for me ain’t something I’m thinking about. Is true that if you have a guy as your best friend you are bound to have something with them, but marriage not right now. That was nice when you said “I want her to be my “wifey,” I’ll just make the gal my wife”, that was so sweet. I’ll I can say is one day the right one will come and I’ll be hear to wait for him.
April 14, 2007 at 3:44 am |
Man this is some of the realest blogs ever!!! you are bustin heads fa real with this!!! MAKE THIS INTO A COMMENTARY!!!! Yeaaaaaaaaaaa
July 25, 2007 at 2:40 pm |
I really liked this article, it is bluntly honest about an all too real situation goin’ on right now. this is just the latest/ and not so latest trend in “friendships”. I know so many people who have the “buddy” situation going. I feel that many times, it is the males that benefit from this type of union, because after awhile, many of my females friends have expressed that, guess what, they DID expect their “friend” to fall in love with them, or be their man,and it ain’t happening, or she is frustrated and tired of being the booty call, but can’t stop that cycle because it is/was the premise that the relationship was founded on.
not to bring race into it, but this is really prevalent in the black community, and in my view, i think its really a way to sidestep commitment, and most of all responsibility. I wish more and more people would just be real with each other and yes, take a step and “commit” themselves to something, anything for cryin’ out loud. the thing that i would most object to, as was mentioned in the article, would be children born out of these types of unstable relationships.
just because you have failed in the past , doesn’t mean th at you are not ever going to succeed in a relationship, if anything they can teach us and mature us into the kind of lover that we should be. I don’t ever see myself in one of these “friendships” not because i think im too good or this and that, but its a matter of simple self respect for me. If your’e going to give away parts of yourself, your body included, why do it with someone who can’t even make up their minds about how they feel about you.
that’s just my opinion of the situation, its not easy finding the right person when everyone seems to be playing games or unwilling to commit, but there are people out there who can/ and will.
July 25, 2007 at 7:13 pm |
Law of Attraction
Law of Attraction
August 21, 2007 at 5:21 pm |
Great writing! Perceptive, truthful, poignant; man that article is totally correct.
February 2, 2009 at 12:29 am |
I happen to disagree with this article. Call me old-fashioned, but I would never marry somebody without getting to know them as boyfriend-girlfriend first.
I’ve had a few bad experiences in the steady relationship stage, and if it was hard to get out in that relationship, I can’t imagine how hard it would be if I was actually married.
Also, believe it or not, I have not had sex with my boyfriend.
Of course, I know I’m out there, and I grew up listening to older music (along with modern) and surrounded by antique wood and collectibles. So maybe I’m not up to speed on life today.