Husbands are the new Boyfriends

Did you know that if you are in a relationship for long enough (7 years I believe), the rules of marriage apply? It’s called “Common Law Marriage.” The virtues of marriage today are what going “steady” used to be. Marriages begin and end in about the same time as regular boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. In fact, I know boyfriend and girlfriend relationships that lasted longer than my own parents’ marriage. Hell, I know pimp and hoe relationships that last longer
than marriages.

I think everybody has heard the saying “fools rush in.” But I agree also that “fools rush out.” People are all too willing to ditch their vows in signs of trouble. Steady relationships used to start with establishing a family as the goal at the end of the tunnel. Today, with all the speedy “hook-ups” of strangers and the “clothing-optional hug” benefit to friendships (remember that Friends are the new Lovers), when I hear someone say, “I have a boyfriend,” or “I have a girlfriend,” I automatically hear, “I have a sex arrangement.”

That’s all it is. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is really your one true love, they would already be, in my opinion, your fiance or your spouse. I plan to NEVER again have a girlfriend. If I feel strong enough about someone, and I want her to be my “wifey,” I’ll just make the gal my wife. If she can’t get with that, then it’s possible that marriage won’t ever be…therefore the “preliminary marriage” is absolutely pointless. Marriage has been downgraded. Friendship has been upgraded.

The new next step from friendship is a long walk down the isle (I personally recommend a less costly trip to Vegas). But how can you trust someone enough to know whether or not you want to go down that road with a person you call your “friend.” But damn, people change! So who do you really KNOW, and who can you really TRUST? And for how long!? I suggest you get to KNOW and TRUST yourself, and that will be what makes and breaks all of your relationships.

Some crazy people say that you should live with your partner for a period of time before you get married, to see if they are someone you want to even wed. These people don’t realize that since you are already sharing a living space and financial
responsibilities, often even children, you practically are married (especially after that 7 year mark). Why not be recognized by the government? A boyfriend or girlfriend can be costly. It is a known fact, however, that married people earn more and have more tax benefits.

Even hospitals don’t recognize “steady” relationships. If you don’t believe me, try visiting your girlfriend after visiting hours. It’s not going to happen. And someone correct me if I’m wrong, but the CONJUGAL VISIT (YEAH!) is strictly reserved for spouses of inmates, not girlfriends. The word steady is like SUSPENDED ANIMATION. The worst of both worlds: the commitment of marriage, without the financial benefits. My advice is, if you have a steady partner you should A. marry them, or B. dump them…

Friends are the new Lovers

I used to cringe when I heard a woman (or girl) I was interested in say, “Let’s just be friends.” It was a clear sign that you would be the one hearing all about her intimate life, instead of becoming a part of it…but now these definitions of friendship have changed and being friends doesn’t necessarily mean sex is ruled out.

Culture has been shifting to these paradigms as far back as the late ‘80’s and early ‘90’s with mentions of “Kissing Cousins” in De La Souls classic song Buddy, as well as R&B icon R. Kelly’s yearning for that “Homie Lover Friend,”described in Bump and Grind.

The “Friend Zone” is so widely recognized today, I don’t even refer to my male homies (patnas’, cuzzins’, aces, rounds, folks) as friends. When I use the word “friend” I am definitely describing a female. Nowadays, I urge females to be “friends” with me, instead of trying to get them to be in a monogomous relationships with me. With all of the technological and social advances we’ve made over generations on all fronts, friendship has much more benefits than it used to.

One of the most significant benefits of this “new-age” friendship is that physicality has been upgraded from hugs to “clothing-optional” hugs. The intimacy of a consummate relationship has been added to the passion of your average friendship, while the commitment is all but ignored.

I can recall a time or two when I’ve felt some welcoming energy from a woman and approached her only to find out she had a boyfriend. In at least a couple of instances, this didn’t stop us from exchanging information and forming a “friendship,” even though the girl is supposed to be involved with someone else. I’ve exercised the clothing option when hugging a friend who was in another relationship both as soon as her relationship has ended, and also while her relationship was still “committed.”

I, myself, have only really been in one committed relationship that ended when she exercised her clothing option with one of her buddies and got freaked out when she missed her period, but we remained friends after. And while I’ve never cheated in a committed relationship, I’ve helped more than one of my “friends” cheat in theirs.

After all this, my mindset is that trying to maintain exclusivity is too much pressure…you have to be secure and insecure at the same time because you know once you’re in a monogomous relationship, it’s doomed to die. But a friendship can be on hiatus. You can be in and out of each other’s lives and keep it going.

I think this is happening because many young people are rejecting the traditional ideals of a relationship because they know that they are doomed for failure…and the new concept of friendship has evolved out of that. Young males and females have been experiencing, either through their parents’ divorces, or through their own romantic trials, commitment as a failed concept that pushes the notion of love to its peak. Once that peak is achieved, the only place to go is downhill. This downward spiral can be as slow as people just plain falling out of love, or as quick as one’s partner discovering that they are not the only one participating in love acts with their “committed” love.

But in friendships I’m safe from that pain, and so is my friend. We can share a spiritual and physical connection, without the arduous task of maintaining exclusivity. But it you are brave enough to enter into a committed relationship, I suggest you marry that person because the Husband is the new Boyfriend (or Wife the new Girlfriend). I’ll address this in my next installment, but for now…remember, Friends are the new Lovers.